Why start with a place instead of a question?
"Tell me about your childhood" is too big to answer. "What was the kitchen like in the house on Alder Street?" is small enough that the details come back: the color of the table, who sat where, what was on the radio.
There is research behind this. In a 2016 study, the psychologists Jessica Robin, Jordana Wynn and Morris Moscovitch found that locations were better cues for remembering events than people were, and that events remembered with a setting were recalled more vividly and in more detail. A map puts a setting in front of your parent before you ask anything. Read more about why places unlock memories.
What does a parent's memory map look like?
It is a map with a pin on each place that mattered in their life. Each pin holds a story in their words, the date, and a photo if you have one. These are examples of the kind of thing a pin might hold.
We had the upstairs apartment. Mother kept the coal in the bathtub the first winter because there was nowhere else to put it, so we washed at the kitchen sink until March.
This was the dance hall. Your father asked my sister first. She said no, so he asked me, and I said I'd think about it.
Thirty-one years at this plant. I parked in the same spot every day, by the east gate, and ate lunch in the car when the weather was good.
How do you make one in an afternoon?
- Sit side by side with one screen. A laptop or tablet is easier than a phone for two people. Open your map at app.heremystory.com.
- Go to the town where they grew up and zoom in until they recognize a street.
- Find the first house together. Choose "Add a story" and move the map until the pin sits on the spot. Near enough is fine.
- Ask what they remember, and type it in their words. Keep their phrasing, including the odd expressions. Those are what the family will want later.
- Set the date. The year is usually all anyone knows. Pick any day in that year.
- Add a photo if there is one. For an old print, take a picture of it with your phone and attach that.
- Move to the next place: the school, the first job, where they met your other parent, the hospital where you were born.
- Invite your brothers and sisters by email so they can read it.
Ten pins is a good first session. If you want questions ready, there are 60 questions to ask your parents about the places they've lived.
Can a story be saved for the family's next visit?
Yes. Mark a story "Only readable at this place" and the family sees a locked pin where it happened. The story opens for whoever goes and stands there: a grandchild on a first trip to the old country, or your own children the next time they drive past the house. How location-locked stories work.
Whose account should the map be in?
Only the owner of a map can add stories to it, and each account has one map. That leaves two good ways to set it up.
- You hold the pen. Make an account for the purpose and type while your parent talks. This suits parents who would rather talk than type, and it works over a phone call when you live far apart. If you already keep your own map, use a second email address so their stories stay on a map of their own.
- They hold the pen. Your parent makes the account and adds stories whenever one comes to mind. They invite you by email and you read along.
What if their memory is failing?
Keep sessions short, start with the oldest places, and let them lead. Looking at familiar places and old photographs is a common activity in dementia care, usually called reminiscence. A 2018 Cochrane review of 22 trials found that its effects were inconsistent and often small, with some benefit to quality of life, communication and mood. So treat a memory map as a good way to spend an hour together and to keep what they tell you, not as a treatment.
How is this different from Storyworth or Remento?
Storyworth and Remento are built around prompts sent to the storyteller, and their end product is a printed book. Here My Story is built around places, and its end product is a map the family can open. It is free and it doesn't print books. The two approaches go well together: answer a prompt, then pin the answer where it happened. There is a fuller, even-handed look in memory map apps compared.
Questions about family maps
Can several family members add stories to the same map?
Not directly. Only the owner of a map can add or change stories, and the people you invite can read. The simple way around it is to ask relatives to send you their memories and add them yourself, starting each one with who told it, such as "Told by Aunt Carol."
Can my parent read the map without making an account?
Yes, if you switch on the public link. It opens in a browser with no account. A public link works for anyone who has it, so only use it if you're comfortable with that. Otherwise invite your parent by email and help them sign in once.
How can I capture my dad's stories about where he grew up?
Open a map of his hometown with him and ask about one place at a time, beginning with the house. Write down what he says in his own words, pin it to the spot, and add the year. Here My Story is a free memory map made for this.